Another Snippet

Since no one else is putting up posts, I'll do another one from my book.

I had a problem--when I first started my book I made the religion of the main character, Jaren, a big deal. Then, for most of everything else I've written, I've left that stuff out. Someone pointed that out to me and I've been trying to decide if I should take it completely out of the first part or if I should go through and insert it into the other stuff. Well, I think I found a way to leave everything the way it is. What do you think?


"How are you doing?" She asked him, her brown eyes reassuring,comforting.

Not sure how to answer, or even what she was really asking, Jaren shrugged his shoulders, which hurt, and replied, "I'm fine."

Molly squinted a little and said, "No, how are you doing? How are you feeling, how are you taking all of this?"

Jaren teared up a little bit as he thought about what she was asking. With her arm still on his shoulder, she led him a few steps into the room and shut the door.
"I have a boy about your age. His name is Kevin. This whole experience was very traumatic for him--being enslaved, seeing his father whipped, being separated from us..." Molly's voice choked up a bit and she turned her head, wiping away a tear of her own.

It was then that Jaren really felt the whole weight of what he had been through. Thoughts of May and Elsa and *the little boys flooded into his mind, memories of the aching pain of hunger, the sleepless nights and drowsy days, the starving and whipped men, Lorentz and on and on. He gently touched his wrists, the brand on his shoulder, and the scar on his head, the muscles in his arms aching with each motion. For so long he had been holding it all inside, doing his best to carry on as if things were just normal, like he had when his parents had died. He had been trying to live by Lorentz' principle of focusing on the best in each situation and in so doing he pretended that there was nothing wrong. But, as it all came down upon him Jaren finally let go. Big tears rolled down his cheeks, and sobs broke through his scrunched up face.

Molly turned him toward her, and hugged him close. She spoke reassuringly to him and told him that things would be alright. Somehow, Jaren believed her.
"Jaren," she said, "this is a safe place. I won't say that everyone is nice or that they'll treat you kindly and I won't say that what you'll have to go through here is easy, but it is safe. Hairth does not tolerate people being cruel to one another. You will be happy again." Her last statement was like an answer to an unasked question lurking in Jaren's subconscious.

"How will I ever be happy again?" Jaren asked between broken sobs, "There's nothing left. I have nothing..." Jaren trailed off. Molly just hugged him tighter. She stroked his hair and let him cry. After a moment she said, "Hope for better things to come, ***, and always trust in the eternal." (These are the last words his father spoke to him before he died--if you had read the other part of the book, you might have remembered that. The *** indicates that I'd like something to go there but I'm not sure what)

The words sank deep into Jaren's heart, piercing the protective barrier he had been carefully building since he realized he was alone in the world. Images of his father rushed back into Jaren's mind. Not of his father, the diseased, disfigured, disgusting spectar that laid in his father's bed during their last interview, but the strong, vibrant man he had grown up with, the man he loved.
Like Lorentz, his father had always looked to the future with an expectation of "better things to come". But, when his parents had died, and Benjamin didn't return, something in Jaren gave up. He no longer trusted in the eternal, and no matter how the Devout Woman had tried, they had never been able to convince Jaren that better things actually would come. The past long weeks had acted only to re-enforce Jaren's disbelief of the doctrines his father had taught him. Jaren had never given up on the moral aspects of the creed. He had always tried to be a diligent worker and had always wanted to be kind, generous, and honorable. But he couldn't bring himself to believe that there was more to life than what he experienced--that there was providence watching over him and providing for him.

But somehow, Molly's words cut through all the disbelief. With the single statement, she eliminated years of doubt and took Jaren back to that eight year old boy, who, while standing beside his dying father had recited the most critical aspect of his faith, "Hope for better things to come, ***, and always trust in the eternal."


If you have suggestions for *** that would be good.